I Have Found My Calling

😲😲😲😲😲🤯

Recently, I had an insight that blew my mind.

I realised my calling.

I had always thought that a calling was something that would be found inside my zone of genius. Something I would find easy and simple (but others didn’t); that I would do all day every day just for the joy of it.

Turns out this is not the case.

I had always thought that my calling would come through my work and when I answered that calling, my work would become immensely and permanently satisfying and rewarding.

Turns out this is not the case.

I had always thought that when I found my calling, all the riches in the world would flow towards me. That I would ‘monetize’ it and have the perfect combination of being paid for work that I love that is also my purpose.

Turns out this is not the case.

I had always thought my calling would be something the world needs in a very obvious kind of way. Creating freedom from anxiety for all, supporting other mothers going through crises with their kids, helping to solve world hunger, being behind a million posies a year being given to those in our local communities that need a smile.

Turns out this is not the case.

I thought I would realise my calling at some point in the future, that it would arrive with bells and unicorns, beauty would flow through my creative fingertips, coupled with a feeling of huge enlightenment.

Turns out this is also not the case.

I realised my calling is to care for my children.

It does not come easily to me, it often brings heart-breaking sadness and at times can be hugely unrewarding.

It is not what I do to pay the bills.

It is ordinary, and private and has no desire to be monetised.

It has always been with me; this desire of belonging inside a warm, loving, connected family.

I grew up in a family where my mum was never told she was loved and so forgot to say the words to us. And with a dad who was one of the shouty ones who you ‘better watch out for when he gets home’.

I wanted to create the opposite.

And then I was gifted three autistic children who don’t like to be touched and prefer to spend time in solitude. No family dinners around the table for us.

Through my whole life, I believed my calling was to be found in my work, so drawn to it was I. Maybe this thing is my calling and purpose, no maybe this thing. Definitely the next thing.

I was looking in the wrong place.

My father-in-law asked this question of us all last weekend (he had read it somewhere):

“What of all things you valued in your life while alive would you hope remained and thrived after you died? Your main lifetime purpose is then to do something each day to help the valued thing thrive.”

“Birds and the countryside,” was his answer.

“Ahh so will you volunteer for the RSBP or something like that now then?” I said.

“No. I will put bread out and take care of my garden,” he said.

So profoundly simple. No grand gesture. No attempt to change the world.

“My children” is my answer.

My work is here simply to support me to have the freedom and finances to take care of my children.

That’s all it is.

So now my work is freed from the pressure to ‘be meaningful’ and ‘be my calling’ and I am freed to simply appreciate and enjoy it.

And continue to do my best to create a warm, loving family (whatever that looks like in our little world), where everyone can thrive.

(Photo above is the first rose of the summer from my Olivia Austin rose, gifted to me by my daughter, Bea, five years ago.)